1526.

When you find your wings to leave the nest created by your parents you can fly anywhere. I flew to the city to create the life I had always dreamt about. Of course, at 22-years-old I’m not exactly where I want to be but I’m definitely making steps toward that goal.  From 18-22 I’ve met a lot of people who have filtered in and out of my life, leaving footprints and scars on my heart. Some of the most significant relationships I’ve formed are with the 5 girls I lived with in college, the family I choose for myself.  

For the past two years I have spent so much time with these five girls. We’ve been through it all together- first dates, drunken cries, ‘I’m feeling fat’ days, failing grades, one night stands, heart break, first day of class, hangover hell, graduation; everything.  There hasn’t been an event in my life that I haven’t shared with them and vice versa. Six completely different girls, different goals, different dreams, different personalities all together under one room forming a bond I would never want to replace.

As we prepare to move out of our ‘home’ I cannot help but be over whelmed with emotions. This house knows our deepest secrets, our happiest moments and the lowest of the lows. Leaving it behind feels like I’m losing a piece of myself.

We thought that graduation was the ‘next chapter’ in life, but honestly, I think this represent the next chapter. It’s time to grow up, move to our trendy little apartments in a more ‘sophisticated’ area of the city and continue on with our lives.

Of course, just because we are moving apart doesn’t mean our friendship is over. We will just be across the bridge from each other. Still, our friendship will differ for the better and worse. I won’t be able to come home and have all of my best friends in such an easy reach. I won’t have Hallie around to entertain me and do dumb stuff with that everyone else would think is stupid. When I’m sad and blue I won’t be able to knock on the wall and have Ash answer. There won’t be anymore movie nights in Kelli’s silk sheet dungeon. I won’t be able to watch Shelby grow and learn how to cook for herself ;) No, there are tons of little things that just won’t be the same when we move out. 

I’ll miss the late night talks, the bumming on the couch. I’ll miss always having someone around. I’ll miss our front porch where we sit and watch the randoms on como ave wandering around or just contemplate our existence. I’ll miss the noisy neigbs to the back (just kidding). I’ll miss our huge house parties that always seemed to last the entire weekend. I’ll miss my quaint little bedroom, nestled in the back corner. I’ll miss cooking breakfast and always having a house full of people. I’ll miss the drink stained walls and the fluffy new carpet. I’ll miss dancing on the table and chairs and singing out hearts out to “Season of Love”. I’ll miss all the smiles, laughs and memories that were made in this house. As things change, one thing I know for certain, these girls will always hold a part of me, a piece of my heart that can never be taken back. I would fly to the moon and back for them. I know that no matter where our new lives will take us, I will always only be a phone call away.

Moving away from my college home definitely means growing up and maybe it means that the healing can really begin. As sad as I am to leave 1526, I’m excited to begin a new chapter, grow up a little bit and make a new home where a bunch of new memories can be made, with walls that can hold a bunch of new secrets and rooms that can be the start of a bunch of new memories. <3

Hallie, Kelli, Ashley, Devon and Shelby- I love you girls. Thank you for the wonderful two years. xo

Some of my favorite memories of our house :) 

Love vs Lust.

What’s the difference between love and lust?

Love is wiping your nose on his sleeve.

Love is playing doctor while glass in stuck in your foot.

Love is lying in bed & not feeling like you’ve wasted a single moment.

Love is butterflies in your stomach.

Love is closing your eyes and seeing his.

Love is an empty pit when he’s gone.

Love is your heart racing when he rings the doorbell.

Love is the way he says hello.

Love is the way your fingers feel interlocked.

Love is the way you are tangled up in each other.

Love is trusting.

Love is slow dancing in a moonlit room.

Love is bringing you ice cream when you’re sick.

Love is teaching you new things.

Love is understanding.

Love is brushing your teeth together.

Love is holding hands.

Love is watching the sunrise.

Love is warming up your frozen nose.

Love is the way he laughs.

Love is his nose.

Love is something that no one else can understand, not even yourself.

Love is never saying goodbye.

Love is letting him go.

Lust is sharing a passion.

Lust is getting coffee.

Lust is a text message.

Lust is flirting.

Lust is splitting the check.

Lust is being unsure.

Lust is a guy at the bar.

Lust is dancing at the club.

Lust is feeling nothing.

Lust is walking away.

Lust is a shoulder shrug.

Lust is freedom.

Lust is a concert call.

Lust is how we feel.

Lust is feeling no pain.
Lust is temporary.

Lust? I love lust.

Love? I hate love. 

When You Fall.

Break ups are hard for every party involved. Often times they leave us sad, b u s t e d and broken down, seeming like there is no use in continuing on. People tell you that time will heal all wounds and soon you’ll find the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I’m not so certain that ‘time’ can be a healing factor. Not for deep wounds. No, time can only serve as a band-aide covering the wounds but never fully healing them. There will always be those moments, those memories, those feelings that will forever be lurking deep down inside your heart and soul. At any moment a fire could be ignited and there you are again, back at stage one.

Once upon a time a close friend told me, “if it feels this good when it’s wrong, imagine how it’ll feel when it’s right.” I’ve always held that advice close to my heart and often refer back to it. However, advice such as that is exactly what terrifies me the most about that silly four-letter word.

The thought of finding a love, to love more than the love lost is terrifying. Honestly, I’m not sure my heart can handle that much love. If I’ve already felt like bursting at the seams with happiness I wonder if it will ever be happy to feel that way again. To have not only the happiness and attraction but also the passion. The passion to love deeply and truly despite distance, lies, gossip, the good and bad; it just seems like a fairytale that will never come true.

How many chances do we get for love in this world? An infinite amount? Do we get to keep trying until we finally get it right? A lot of people make the mistake to think that love comes easily and to everyone. I believe that it is very rare to find that special kind of love. The kind that tears you apart and breaks you down but at the same time, builds you up and helps you become the person you are meant to be. No, I believe a true, real love comes but once in a lifetime. So, what if you are certain that you've already had that love and then lost it? Is there any hope for you anymore? Does love every truly fade away? That is what I’m not sure of and that to me, is the most terrifying part of falling in love.