Friday, April 5

A Grandma's Love.




When you’re a little kid, you think of your Grandma like a superhero. This theory only continues to ring truer and truer the older you get. She’s there to talk to, there for comfort, there for a shoulder to cry on, there for a good laugh; she’s just there to support you and love you unconditionally. Grandma is a superhero with super strength. She can do anything!

The thing I’ll always love about my Grandma is her ability to be one of my biggest fans. Everything I did, she would be so proud and excited for me. From supporting my dancing to listening about my crazy travels. She was even so excited and thrilled when I met my musical icon; Dave Matthews! She is one of those women that is so filled with life, laughter and love, it just seemed impossible that anything horrible would happen to her. And, as naïve as it sounds, she, along with my parents, are going to live as long as I am alive.

This naïve notion was quickly stomped to the ground late February after we learned that my beloved Superhero was stricken with that horrible C word; Cancer. As doctors put a death sentence on her life I watched hopelessly as grief and sorrow filled our lives. Part of me wanted to believe so badly in a miracle but I knew deep down that it would sooner than I would ever had hoped, it would be the end of my beloved Grandma's life on earth. 

I didn't know whether I should cry or be angry. Mostly I was angry. This wasn't how life was supposed to be. The people closest to me reached out for a shoulder to cry on but I didn't have much to say. I was angry with God for taking her away so soon, for unexplainably putting a stop to all the plans we had. 

I learned so much from Grandma, lessons I’ll never forget; how to dance in the rain, how to pray to God, how to sing loud and proud, how to love others, how to be silly and not take life too seriously, how to be content with what we have and how to approach each day with a smile and open heart.

When I was sixteen, my mom, Grandma and I headed to a dance competition in the Wisconsin Dells. It was there that both of these strong, amazing women taught me a lesson that they would remind me of further down the road in life. It was the middle of June and the Wisconsin sun just did not want to come out. My friend and I thought this would put a damper on vacation but Grandma was quick to come up with an alternative for fun. “Put on your swimsuits and go play in the rain, it’s warm enough.” So, we did. Grandma had a way of reminding us that even during the darkest of days there was a way to find fun, joy and laughter.

A few years down the road when I was in New Zealand, I wrote to my Grandma; homesick and heartbroken I needed to hear some positive love and I knew where to turn. She offered the standard Grandma advice and love but she always had a way of going above and beyond and making everything else seem so minimal. I’m not even sure she realizes how she does it. She reminded me of the days dancing in the rain and asked if I was going to let a little rain ruin a wonderful day.

Perhaps one of my favorite roles my Grandma plays in my life is the role of adventure seeker and support system. Back in 2009, when I was eighteen, Grandma and I went on a cross-country road trip down to Tennessee. Being a freshman in college some people may not have thought it was “cool” to go on spring break with your Grandma but they didn’t know that I had one of the sweetest, coolest Grandma’s around. We packed our car and headed to Memphis so that I could continue to pursue my never-ending dancing dreams and audition for Season 5 of So You Think You Can Dance. Those days spent on the road together are some that I do and will forever cherish deeply. The thirteen-hour car ride strengthened our bond as Grandmother/Granddaughter. I was able to learn what makes and what made her into the woman she is today. We talked about everything under the sun, shared laughs and even shared tears. Those moments were and are ours. I love that we will forever have that time together; if even it is now just a memory.  

As we grow up we realize superheroes or not, ultimately there will come a time when we have to say goodbye to our loved ones. But, we must never make the mistake to believe that they will be gone. Even when their bodies are no longer around- the lessons they taught us, the love they showed us and memories we shared will always be around and carry on. Even though I do not believe it is time to say goodbye yet, Grandma, whenever that day may come I will be thankful for everything you taught me and press on with the comfort of knowing that your memory will forever be in my heart.   

Thank you for raising four beautiful children who then turned around to raise six wonderful children themselves. Thank you for watching me grow up. Thank you for your continued support in my outrageous dance and travel dreams. Thank you for always reminding me about my smile. Thank you for teaching me God’s ways and reminding me that it is never foolish to pray to Him. Thank you for all the laughs and tears. Thank you for creating a safe home that always welcomes with open arms and an open heart. Thank you for our continued adventures. Thank you for being the brave one who rode all the rides with me when everyone else would sit out. Thank you for teaching me to play Hand and Foot. Thank you for all the details both small and large that have helped shaped me into a young woman. Thank you for reminding me there will always come a brighter day. Thank you for being such a strong, independent women that it inspires me to be one of my own. But, most of all, thank you for the unconditional love. No matter what choices and mistakes I’ve made in life, I’ve never once questioned if you loved and supported me. I’ve always felt right at home with you and I will forever feel eternally blessed for our relationship and having the pleasure of calling your Grandma.