A Grandma's Love.

When you’re a little kid, you think of your Grandma like a superhero. This theory only continues to ring truer and truer the older you get. She’s there to talk to, there for comfort, there for a shoulder to cry on, there for a good laugh; she’s just there to support you and love you unconditionally. Grandma is a superhero with super strength. She can do anything!

The thing I’ll always love about my Grandma is her ability to be one of my biggest fans. Everything I did, she would be so proud and excited for me. From supporting my dancing to listening about my crazy travels. She was even so excited and thrilled when I met my musical icon; Dave Matthews! She is one of those women that is so filled with life, laughter and love, it just seemed impossible that anything horrible would happen to her. And, as naïve as it sounds, she, along with my parents, are going to live as long as I am alive.

This naïve notion was quickly stomped to the ground late February after we learned that my beloved Superhero was stricken with that horrible C word; Cancer. As doctors put a death sentence on her life I watched hopelessly as grief and sorrow filled our lives. Part of me wanted to believe so badly in a miracle but I knew deep down that it would sooner than I would ever had hoped, it would be the end of my beloved Grandma's life on earth. 

I didn't know whether I should cry or be angry. Mostly I was angry. This wasn't how life was supposed to be. The people closest to me reached out for a shoulder to cry on but I didn't have much to say. I was angry with God for taking her away so soon, for unexplainably putting a stop to all the plans we had. 

I learned so much from Grandma, lessons I’ll never forget; how to dance in the rain, how to pray to God, how to sing loud and proud, how to love others, how to be silly and not take life too seriously, how to be content with what we have and how to approach each day with a smile and open heart.

When I was sixteen, my mom, Grandma and I headed to a dance competition in the Wisconsin Dells. It was there that both of these strong, amazing women taught me a lesson that they would remind me of further down the road in life. It was the middle of June and the Wisconsin sun just did not want to come out. My friend and I thought this would put a damper on vacation but Grandma was quick to come up with an alternative for fun. “Put on your swimsuits and go play in the rain, it’s warm enough.” So, we did. Grandma had a way of reminding us that even during the darkest of days there was a way to find fun, joy and laughter.

A few years down the road when I was in New Zealand, I wrote to my Grandma; homesick and heartbroken I needed to hear some positive love and I knew where to turn. She offered the standard Grandma advice and love but she always had a way of going above and beyond and making everything else seem so minimal. I’m not even sure she realizes how she does it. She reminded me of the days dancing in the rain and asked if I was going to let a little rain ruin a wonderful day.

Perhaps one of my favorite roles my Grandma plays in my life is the role of adventure seeker and support system. Back in 2009, when I was eighteen, Grandma and I went on a cross-country road trip down to Tennessee. Being a freshman in college some people may not have thought it was “cool” to go on spring break with your Grandma but they didn’t know that I had one of the sweetest, coolest Grandma’s around. We packed our car and headed to Memphis so that I could continue to pursue my never-ending dancing dreams and audition for Season 5 of So You Think You Can Dance. Those days spent on the road together are some that I do and will forever cherish deeply. The thirteen-hour car ride strengthened our bond as Grandmother/Granddaughter. I was able to learn what makes and what made her into the woman she is today. We talked about everything under the sun, shared laughs and even shared tears. Those moments were and are ours. I love that we will forever have that time together; if even it is now just a memory.  

As we grow up we realize superheroes or not, ultimately there will come a time when we have to say goodbye to our loved ones. But, we must never make the mistake to believe that they will be gone. Even when their bodies are no longer around- the lessons they taught us, the love they showed us and memories we shared will always be around and carry on. Even though I do not believe it is time to say goodbye yet, Grandma, whenever that day may come I will be thankful for everything you taught me and press on with the comfort of knowing that your memory will forever be in my heart.   

Thank you for raising four beautiful children who then turned around to raise six wonderful children themselves. Thank you for watching me grow up. Thank you for your continued support in my outrageous dance and travel dreams. Thank you for always reminding me about my smile. Thank you for teaching me God’s ways and reminding me that it is never foolish to pray to Him. Thank you for all the laughs and tears. Thank you for creating a safe home that always welcomes with open arms and an open heart. Thank you for our continued adventures. Thank you for being the brave one who rode all the rides with me when everyone else would sit out. Thank you for teaching me to play Hand and Foot. Thank you for all the details both small and large that have helped shaped me into a young woman. Thank you for reminding me there will always come a brighter day. Thank you for being such a strong, independent women that it inspires me to be one of my own. But, most of all, thank you for the unconditional love. No matter what choices and mistakes I’ve made in life, I’ve never once questioned if you loved and supported me. I’ve always felt right at home with you and I will forever feel eternally blessed for our relationship and having the pleasure of calling your Grandma. 

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.

Over the course of a lifetime we’ll meet a lot of people. Some of these people will cause permanent footprints in our heart and soul and stay with us forever, and sometimes people just need to weave through your life. Occasionally, we come to find that one ‘friend’ who can more or less be deemed ‘toxic.’ Literally, they drain the life from you. They stress you out or make you feel bad. You walk on eggshells around them. You aren’t sure if you are their friend or therapist. Or, perhaps your ‘friendship’ is one ended- one of you trying harder than the other. Maybe you just genuinely do not enjoy spending time with this person. It’s time to let go of this person. Yes friend, it’s time to break up.

It is okay to break up with a friend, right? I mean, if it were a ‘romantic relationship’ and we drug this person along without having any feelings for them, it would be deemed wrong, right? Well, how come if I want to break up with a friend I’m deemed a “bitch?” It is my life after all, shouldn’t I get to decide whom I want to spend my precious time with?

So say you want to go through with this break up. How does one begin the process? It’s not like a boyfriend/girlfriend you can just call up, meet for coffee, and tell them it’s over. Or, can you? Do you sit and have ‘the talk’ with the friend you are breaking up with? “Sorry, I just don’t think we can be friends anymore.” Perhaps you aggressively ignore their calls, texts, and chats until they get the hint? Or, maybe you just let the relationship die out. Are you required to keep them on your social media sites? What are the rules? You are allowed to dislike people, but why is it then deemed ‘rude’ to not want to be friends with your friend’s friends?

I don’t believe there is a right way to do it. Someone’s feelings are bound to get hurt, but it’s better to live an honest life, right? So friends, I’m making the stand and telling you that you are allowed to feel exactly how you want. If you want to break up with that friend that’s dragging you down then by all means- break up with that friend! 

Unfriend. Unfollow. Delete. 

Friendships should be in quality not quantity. 

A Letter To My Nieces & Nephews.

Hey Kiddos:

Every time I go home and see you guys, I am painfully reminded how fast time flies. It seems as though I was just racing to the hospital to be with the family as your mothers joyfully gave birth to you. I remember each and every day of your births, just as if it were yesterday.

Now, here you are running, walking, talking, starting school, and growing up so remarkably fast right in front of my eyes! As much as I want to hug you guys and keep you little forever, I know that is not possible. I wish I could sit you down and tell you so many things but I know you are still too little to understand. Instead, I’ll write you this letter and hope that one day when you can read and understand a little better you can read it and hopefully feel something.

I wish that someone would have reminded me how important it is to stay as young as possible- for as long as possible, even if it’s just in your heart. I remember being your age and anxiously looking forward to each milestone in life. When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be in high school. Then it was college, then it was getting married, and so on. I was always looking onto the next stage of life; always thinking life would be so much better once I got there. Nobody told me that I would look back on all those years with such nostalgia. Dreaming, wishing, giving anything to go back.

You are learning so much more than we could have ever imagined. With all the resources available to you these days, remember that no dream is too small. Dream as big as you can for as long as you can. You can literally do anything and you will always have people backing you up and supporting you. Don’t even think you aren’t good enough. Just because you come from a small town, small school doesn’t mean you have to limit yourself to being small forever. Dream bigger, do bigger, and believe bigger.

But, with all these new available resources and technology it will be easy to be tempted and see things that are bad. Don’t lose your innocence. Don’t give in to things you know in your heart are wrong because others are doing it. Stay true to yourself. I know, I know it’s way easier said than done. But, trust me in the end it will all be worth it to know that you became what you dreamt of by remaining true to yourself.

Never get too old to call your parents. Never get too old to tell anyone how much you love them. Never get too old to kiss your Dad goodnight; he’ll love it every time, I promise. Never forget where you came from and equally important, never lose sight of where you are going. Your path may become blurry at times- but the map is there in your heart. And finally, never forget how much I love you, think and want the world for you. Never be afraid to call home, it's there where you will find open arms and hearts full of love. 

Xo.